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In this article, the Thrive Wellbeing Hub looks at an epidemic that Ireland is facing and that is high levels of loneliness.  Many of us feel lonely from time to time. However, everyone’s experience of loneliness is different and personal. It is widely believed those who experience loneliness are those who may live alone or don’t have many friends or family around. Conversely, you can have lots of social connections, support and contact but still feel like you are alone. Loneliness can be compounded by stigma, but it is an epidemic and levels are prevalent, especially here in Ireland. A survey carried out by the European Commission’s Joint Research Centre (JRC) reported Ireland has the highest levels of loneliness in Europe with over 20% of respondents reporting feeling lonely. Another research report by Irish Life found that more than one in three adults in Ireland would describe themselves as lonely or isolated. Other studies and research have linked loneliness and isolation with serious health and wellbeing impacts. It has been suggested isolation; Increases the risk for all causes of premature death – rivalling smoking, obesity and inactivity. Increases the risk of dementia by 50%. Increases the risk of heart disease and stroke by 29% and 32% respectively.  Associated with higher rates of depression anxiety and suicide. Quality over Quantity Loneliness is a state of distress where there is a gap in desire for social connection and actual experiences of it. Humans are inherently social creatures that benefit greatly from quality relationships that make us feel safe, valued and feed our sense of purpose. Depending on your personality, the amount of social interaction needed varies from person to person. Loneliness is linked to the quality of relationships as opposed to the number of relationships. A lack of authenticity in our relationships can feed feelings of loneliness and even those in relationships, those with large friend groups or those surrounded by people daily can experience deep loneliness. Certain times or life events can also affect our levels of loneliness and isolation. For example, feeling lonely around Christmas or Valentine’s Day, or missing someone after a bereavement. A common measure for loneliness is the UCLA loneliness scale which asks individuals how often they feel the following; Feel they lack companionship Feel left out Feel in tune with the people around them Feel outgoing and friendly Feel that there are people they can turn to Dealing with it While an easy fix may seem elusive, there are lots of ways to deal with loneliness and isolation. A major hindrance in treating loneliness is many may feel reluctant to even acknowledge it or how it affects them. Feel the feelings It is important to know loneliness is a totally normal characteristic of life and it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Everyone goes through lonely periods and feelings of isolation often come and go. Accept that you feel lonely presently and that is okay, and that there will be times when you won’t feel this way. It’s also important to remember you’re not the only person to feel this way. Sometimes, there is a comfort in knowing you’re not alone in your loneliness. Talk it out It is a difficult situation to open up about but there is no shame in feeling lonely. Finding someone to speak and open up to can really help in so many ways. It could be that you need or would prefer to talk to a professional – there are plenty of support services out there including the mental health support from Thrive which includes counselling and coaching. Company of 1 There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. Improving your relationship with yourself can help tremendously in combating feelings of loneliness. Use alone time to get in touch with yourself and to feel more comfortable with just yourself for company. Spending time alone can be liberating and can be a great way to wind down. You have the power to be your own best friend and liking your own company is a step towards better confidence. Distract Keeping yourself busy is a great way to improve your feelings of loneliness. Starting a hobby or delving into your interests can help you to feel less alone and a way to pass the time. It also allows room for connection if in a group setting and volunteering can help strengthen your sense of purpose and meaning. Always wanted to learn a new language? This could be the perfect time to commit. The Thrive Wellbeing Hub has many supports in place to help you tackle difficult feelings whether it loneliness or other emotional distress. Take a look at the supports we provide. You can contact the thrive wellbeing team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294

Typically, the festive season is a joyous occasion and a time for celebration, but it can equally be an extremely busy and demanding time that often puts extra pressure on us whether socially, financially or emotionally.  For some, it is a time where they acutely feel the loss of loved ones and feelings of loneliness. The festive period can affect your mental health in many ways and can bring up feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, stressed. Our Thrive wellbeing team has compiled a list of tips to help you look after your mental health this Christmas. Realistic expectations It is easy to get carried away with the expectations of a perfect Christmas and everything that goes with it. However, this can cause disappointment and impact our self-esteem if it doesn’t turn out how we hoped. Be realistic about what you can expect from the festive season and avoid unhealthy comparisons with others. Create your own Christmas agenda for how you want to spend your time, focusing on a couple of things that are most important to you. Take a break The Christmas period can be the one time of year where we can truly take a break from the demands of day-to-day life. It is essential for our mental wellbeing to have some time-out to help prevent stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. Take this time to rest and restore your energy especially if you are feeling particularly drained. Make sure you set time aside to be by yourself if you need it and engage in activities that help you relax and unwind. Christmas is a time of compassion and giving, so why not indulge in some self-compassion and treat yourself. Reflect As the year draws to a close, you can quickly fall into the trap of thinking about everything you didn’t achieve and all those forgotten resolutions and goals. Try not to be too hard on yourself as you begin to reflect on the year that has passed. Accept the year for what it was and acknowledge the (big and small) things you have achieved and where you are now.   Say no Leading up to and during Christmas you can find yourself inundated with social engagements, invites, and being surrounded by people. If you are feeling uncomfortable or unsettled with the incoming invitations, the key is to give yourself permission to say no. You may want to limit your social interactions and while it is important to maintain some social connection it is imperative that you set clear boundaries with yourself on how much interaction you want to have. Balance your sense of social obligation against your need for self-care and time by yourself.   Healthy habits The temptation to overindulge is ever present at Christmas - the few extra tipples, lounging on the couch watching Christmas movies or over-doing it on the mince pies and rich food. Overindulging can cause your motivation levels to diminish and make you feel sluggish and not ‘yourself’. Alcohol may make you feel relaxed at first, but it is a depressant which can cause low mood and irritability. Strive to maintain some balance across the festive period if you can. Maintaining a relatively healthy diet and getting some exercise will give your mental health a much-needed boost. Get outdoors, wonder at the Christmas lights and decorations in your area or head out on a nature walk, it will do you a world of good. It can be quite difficult to maintain your usual routine over the holidays too. The best way to retain some semblance of routine and structure is keeping a healthy sleep pattern. Sleep is an essential component to not only positive mental health but also our physical health. Talk to someone The expectations of the festive season can take its toll and the pressure to have a good time can be overwhelming. How we feel can become all-consuming. If you are struggling it is important to talk to someone about how you are feeling. Your family and friends are your best support system, reach out to someone you feel comfortable disclosing your feelings to. If Christmas is a hard time for you, it's important to remember that you are not alone. Help is here if you need it. The Institute’s wellbeing hub, Thrive, provides an array of mental health supports to members and students. Whether you need a listening ear, wellbeing advice or professional counselling, we are here for you. You can contact the team by email at: thrive@charteredaccountants.ie or by phone: (+353) 86 0243294 Merry Christmas!

Ahead of Thrive's upcoming Movember lunchtime webinar, Maximising Your Potential, taking place on Wednesday 27th November, speaker John Slattery shares his journey to self-acceptance, the stages he encountered to finding his authentic self along with reflected questions to help you maximise your potential.  I was sitting in a bar with five teammates. We had won the tournament that we compete in for only the second time in 36 years. I was captain of the team that year. The five of us were talking about the best captains we had ever played with on a team. I mentioned a current teammate of ours, previously our captain. He was a ‘fire and brimstones’ man. Physically very strong, the first to ‘put his body on the line’ for the team. It was an absolute shock when one of the five said, ‘I think you’re the best captain I’ve played with’. I struggled to accept the compliment. I was not physically imposing to opposition. I was not ‘fire and brimstones’. How could I be spoken about in this way? It is often our own self-limiting beliefs that stop us from being all that we are capable of. It is frequently our use of an inauthentic definition of ‘strong’ that downplays or denies our own wonderful strength. There were four stages to the journey on the road to self-acceptance, authenticity and maximising my potential that I want to share with you: It’s OK to Seek Shelter in ‘Safe Havens’: For a long time, sport was my safe haven. It gave me an identity that felt easy to hold in the world. It gave me a foothold in my community. It became a major reference point for me. I often viewed what was acceptable in the world from what I learned through the world of sport. All the energy given to one interest meant that I pigeon-holed a lot of the development of myself into one singular interest. In that respect, it was as limiting as it was helpful. In saying all that, I loved it. It was a safe place for me at a time in life where that felt good and helpful to have. Questions that might be helpful to ask ourselves at this stage include: How is the time in the safe haven serving me well? What other aspects of my personality/interests could serve me well to give more energy to? Appreciating the Challenge of What Happens When You Leave the Safe Haven Behind: After 15 years of giving most of the year up to sport, I finished playing at a high-level of commitment. The fall-off was real. In some ways, I felt like a child does when their hiding place has been discovered. The reference is a little harsh. I wasn’t hiding, as such. I just didn’t know how entwined my life was with sport. I now felt somewhat bare without it. I had to find my place in the world outside of work and sport. If you close your hand into a fist and clench it for a while, it will have a locked-in feeling. It takes time for it to loosen. I had to gently unfold my personality into the broader world. I had to find safe new spaces, with the help of trusted people. I had to not forget sport, I loved it. I had to gently find new interests outside the world of sport. And new ways to connect with sport in a more novel way. Each step a gentle move forward towards the authentic self. Questions that might be helpful to ask ourselves at this stage include: Who is a good person to chat to for advice to help me find my feet? What can I do in the time approaching leaving the safe haven to ready myself? Starting to Own Your Own Space: Through the suggestions of others and answering the inner call of bravery and curiosity (like going travelling on my own in South America), interests emerge (such as, for me, music, dance, yoga, meditation). It becomes a journey of branching out in the world. Depending on how aligned or not this journey is with your own comfort zone, societal norms etc. internal and external barriers will emerge. This will lead to powerful steps forward, as well as sometimes necessary, sometimes unwanted, steps back. In all this, you start to own the evolving nature of your identity. You accept that these new interests are as much part of you as anything that has gone before. You embrace that the steps here are further steps in service of authenticity. You can also now relook at how you define words like ‘strong’ and ‘happiness’, amongst others. You notice how people recognise the evolution of you as a person. In their eyes, you see a next-level respect. In others, you might see a new-found discomfort. In your heart, you feel a sense of inner-connectedness. It’s like you are reading the second, third, fourth chapters of your own story. One that you are becoming more in flow with now. Questions that might be helpful to ask ourselves at this stage include: Are these new interests serving me well? What am I learning about myself? Whose feedback is helpful to take on board and whose feedback is not helpful? Embracing the Importance of Being Kind to Yourself: The journey to being authentic and self-accepting is unlikely to be in a straight line and likely to have its challenges. Showing kindness to one-self is at the heart of a successful journey. You are you. With every extension of your personality into the world, you get closer to your true self. Kindness toward yourself allows you to continue along the path. There are times when I draw a reaction to me being me, in myself or from others, that makes my heart feel sore. I come back to kindness. I meet my own inner-judgement with kindness. I meet the reaction of the other person/people with kindness. Kindness helps you to accept that normal is you being you, normal is the next person being them. For sure, respect the world we live in and the people we co-habit the world with. In the same breath, embrace, with kindness, that the only person you can be true to is yourself. Questions that might be helpful to ask ourselves at this stage include: Am I enjoying what I am doing? Am I putting too much pressure on myself? What are simple ways that I can be kind to myself today? What motivates me to carry on this journey? I feel quite authentic these days. I am learning to accept who I am now and who I am not. The primary source of my work is coaching. I feel that the exploration of my interests and development of myself as a person supports me to be the most effective coach that I can be. Being comfortable in my own skin allows me to show up authentically for the coachee. It places them at ease. It allows them to be vulnerable because they can see that vulnerability in me too. This all creates a very healthy environment for effective coaching to take place. Maximising my potential at work is intrinsically linked to my journey towards authenticity and self-acceptance. I am motivated to stay with the journey. Written by John Slattery on behalf of Thrive. John Slattery is a chartered accountant and transformational coach, specialising in helping people to maximise their potential in work and life. You can find more information on his website https://www.prosperwithjohn.ie/.   You can hear more from John at Thrive's upcoming webinar, Maximising your Potential this Movember, taking place on Wednesday 27 November at 12.30. John will detail his personal journey, how embracing authenticity benefits our professional and personal lives, along with tips on how to shift from a ‘what you think you should say and do’ approach to ‘what you know you should say and do’.  Book Here