Coach's corner -- August 2021

Julia Rowan answers your management, leadership, and team development questions.

Q. I get no feedback from my boss unless he’s unhappy about my work. I work hard and give the people on my team plenty of feedback, but I feel very unsure of myself.

A. Of course, your boss should give you feedback. You could try to change him, but (and sorry for the cliché) the only person you can change is yourself. So, let’s look at what’s happening for you: your boss is not communicating with you and you are telling yourself a story (he doesn’t appreciate me, my work is sub-standard) that undermines your confidence. What if you trusted yourself and told yourself a different story? For example, ‘Isn’t it great that my busy boss can cut to the chase about my work?’ or ‘Isn’t it interesting that somebody that senior does not see the importance of giving feedback?’ These stories free you from feeling bad about your boss’s behaviour and allow you to be easier with the situation. Funnily enough, when we lose our anxiety, what we are searching for often manifests.

As there is little communication, it could be an idea to write a short weekly email to your boss outlining, for example:

• Three main things your team progressed/achieved this week;
• Three main priorities for next week; and
• Issues impacting the team.

That way, you build up a record of communication about progress centred on goals and priorities. Then, your boss will be aware of what’s going on and can respond if he chooses.

On another note, it may be useful to pay special attention to your longer-term career development. Think about what you really want in the short- to medium-term (lead a team, manage a project, broaden your capabilities, specialise) and find someone who can be a listening ear. Also, focus on building relationships across your organisation to create a wider network of people who can support you.

Q. I’ve just been appointed to lead the dream team. They’re hard-working and talented. But I can’t believe they gave me the job, and I wonder if I’m the right manager for them.

A. If this team is experienced and motivated, they don’t need much direction – you could focus on coaching and facilitating the team, both individually and as a group. Here are a few things you could do:

• Develop your coaching skills. Coaching is a great way to build people’s competence and confidence through questioning and listening. It also helps the leader to work from a more strategic place.
• Help the team become more self-sufficient by locating and sharing resources and encouraging team members to share challenges
  and opportunities.
• Use your team meetings to challenge the team. Ask them where they want to get to – both individually and as a team – and start planning your
  way there.

More importantly, you need to give that imposter syndrome the heave-ho. You got the job for a reason (if it helps, ask the interviewers why they chose you), but leaders need to develop a special blend of ‘confident humility’ – the confidence to acknowledge their strengths and the humility to keep learning. We do everyone a favour when we acknowledge our strengths; by acknowledging them, we make them available to others.